You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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