Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
