Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
