Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
