More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
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I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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