connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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