just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
