The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
