do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
