Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize