man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
