It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
