i don't like sucking hair
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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