I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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