i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
