Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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