i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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