I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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