Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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