just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
