Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
