My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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