Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
