i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
