is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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