Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
