He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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