you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
