...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
