You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is Oprah even human
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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