I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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