i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
