So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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