I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
