I must be too annoying 4 u.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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