After last night, I could never be a politician.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
