I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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