The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Operation Purity has been aborted
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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