i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
