I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
