You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
