I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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