he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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