I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
