Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Screwed.edu
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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