Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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