i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
