I think im going to throw up on grandma
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
