with your own penis?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
