I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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