bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
