The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
