Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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