Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize