that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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