Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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