Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
