Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
