Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.