I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars