you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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