i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.