So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved