So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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