so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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