I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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