My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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