So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
