Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
