I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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