I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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