Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
