is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
