You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
