I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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