Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
