i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
