DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
