I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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