Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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