he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
