Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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