So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
