Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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