I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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